Success What is it?

I have a internet guru telling me that I need to write my success story. That and a few other secrets, of which I will not reveal will take me to the top of the Google charts.  I have written a million things in the blog of my mind this morning, and they all seemed worthy, in my humble opinion of being on this blog. I don’t want to write about my success. If I was a true success, I would not have time to be writing this blog.  What does that success mean any more?

I am thinking that, in these times, to be alive, and have a roof over my head, and have a car to drive, and have good friends, and a daughter that loves me and calles me every day, to keep improving one’s body and mind and health.  To have a talent or two or three. To have made it through breast cancer. To have the respect of peers. To have amassed a huge community of support to help me through my cancer. To be alive, to be awake to care. To learn to play jazz piano fairly sufficiently between the ages of 58 and 60. To be able to keep up with the musicians that I respect.

Goals:

1. Have enough massages coming in so I can turn them away.

2. Find a renter to live in my spare room for the summer at least.

3. Get a keyboard and get out gigging and singing.

4. Make enough money so I can travel at least to go see my daughter in Chicago.

5. Dance more

Little Smokies packed the Top Hat last night.  You know I write much better in my head when I am not trying to put it down on computer. Listening to Monk.

Things I want to blog about:

1. How I corrected my posture, duck feet, and cured my back pain at 59 1/2 years  old. (Why sex is good for you. I just figured it out. The mechanics of it.  It is not what you think.

2. Kale- how it is perennial, eating the flowers

3. Writing…free writing. How it works. You don’t think. You just let your fingers go where they will across the keyboard. Aware of sensations.

4. Jazz-.. Listening to Monk. Just realizing the similarities between Mingus and Monk. Need to check in to that.

5. Cold Showers….Why are they so awesome. A cold shower says..HELLO! You are now officially awake and it is time to start your day.

6. Kim Williams is coming to mind. Her breast cancer… My breast cancer. My one breast. How I opted to get a shoulder and hand repair so I could keep working instead of a new breast.

7. Health insurance…The “Montana Health Co-op coming soon.

8. The withdrawals that I felt last night at the Top Hat.  Such bad performance hunger.

9. Skin Hunger.

10. The importance of healing touch for everyone.

11. Why I chose to do massage over everything else I could do in life, besides the fact that I am not really really smart. Most days, I am not even average. Especially when I try to figure out anything on my computer. Arrrgghhh. I spent all day yesterday trying to figure out whether or not I had successfully backed up my computer to my external hard drive, which is probably a moot point because I should probably be using cloud.

12. The importance effect of the right sound vibrations in life: Music for massage, music for life, the hum of a fan, The sound of a deep man’s voice. The drone of a teacher, and my struggles to stay awake in classes.

13. Food- Food as medicine. When they figure that out, they will want to start regulating food. It is so much a drug.

14. Tamoxifen. Need to learn more about it.

15. Places I’d like to go….If I had the money to travel, I’d go everywhere. There is no place on the planet that I don’t want to go. But, since I only have about 20 years at most on the planet…Now I am feeling sorry for myself. I guess I probably won’t make it.

16. My plans that went awry. Where I thought I would be at my age, and how I thought I would get there.

17. Investing….A story that for many many years, I kept all to myself, but since so many of our stories are the same, the healing is in the telling of the secret.

18. My daughter. How I raised her alone for the most part. Divorced at 4. How I decided to go it alone rather than try to find a replacement dad, husband, actually. Dad was there consistently until he moved to Mexico to live on a 21 foot sail boat.

19. Now one breasted and almost 60, every once in a while, toying with the idea of going to Match.com or eharmony.

20. Home ownership as a single woman.

21. My Single Premium Variable Life Insurance policy dilemma. And how I could end up in debtor’s prison for not paying my taxes on the money that I borrowed against it.

22. Ashiatsu. This seems like something more that needs to be experienced than

All of the sudden, I am getting very very restless…so so much to do, write about.

23. Computers, the bain of my existance…like giving an Eskimo a snowmobile, I often say. I feel like I have spent the last 20 years looking for the right button to push.  Oh so much else I could have done. I really got suck in to this machine. Can anyone give me either a new brain or another lifetime?

Bucket list: (I started to write: Things I want to do before I die, but somehow “bucket list” made it into acceptable lexicon, and “Things I want to do before I die” is less appropriate.

This is going to make me cry: I can get feeling really sorry for myself when I start thinking like this, but tears can be cathartic. That is why emotion is called emotion. It gets e as in energy,  moting.

I guess I should hang it up for today.

 

So this isn’t my success story, but at least it is from the core of my being…And it is a start.